He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
