Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
