My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
