Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
