everyone is single if you try hard enough
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
