Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
