Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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