im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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