Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sext me about skeletons
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
