Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
