It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
