woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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