hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
