and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
