I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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