I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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