$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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