Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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