fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My cat gives me a boner
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
