he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
