I'm going to jail i love you
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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