You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
