I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
