yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
