I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
operation harelip BJ is a go
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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