also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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