i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
