drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
