You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The uberlube is also flammable
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
