I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
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Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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