One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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