Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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