Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
