I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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