I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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