I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
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Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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