Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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