If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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