in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
