he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
