I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
