Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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