I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
