and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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