What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I'm really busy with my period
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