fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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