Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
