Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
