apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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