if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
