today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
