somebody snuck up and got me drunk
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
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i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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