Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

and trust me i need no booty pop lessons

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(303): View more from Colorado

You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

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(314): View more from Missouri

the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.

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(847): View more from Illinois

2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it

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(607): View more from New York

This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.

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(616): View more from Michigan

this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.

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(904): View more from Florida

For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring

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