How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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