problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
