i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
