my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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