I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
