Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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