i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
do nipples grow back?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
