That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
