I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
