I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
