apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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